Saturday, October 27

Just. Let. Go.

Last week I started an email to a friend with the following: The weather is miserable and the kids are insane and I need to go grocery shopping but there is no way I am taking two insane children out in the rain to the grocery store. So we are watching Scooby Doo and eating pizza. I am supposed to be on a diet and little man watches too much tv as it is, but sometimes good intentions just go right out the window.

Weather influences everything. It always has and always will in any form, with climate change making it all the more challenging. Crops, moods, building plans, animal husbandry and summer sports schedules - all are influenced by and revolve around weather patterns.

When the rain was coming down that day last week - all day, cold and miserable - the kids and I were both channeling the mood.

The sun is setting much earlier which makes the days feel rushed and incomplete. The surprising 80 degree days like yesterday and today must be doing something to scatter us all off our axis - one extreame to the other and there is more to come.

The weather is this drastic in its changes, it seems to greatly effect my mood and my outlook on just about everything. that rainy day I was perfectly happy to do absolutely nothing, sabotage my diet and engage in an obscene amount of television watching and internet surfing. The summer-like days had me itching to get out in the yard and get something done - anything done. I was short with Roy in that there was not enough time to get the laundry list of projects done that I had wanted to check off and he grew aggrivated with me as a result. Drastic weather changes definately effect my mood.

And now Sandy is coming and it threatens to bring a great deal of rain and high winds to our area starting Monday afternoon. I am not worried. We are prepared.

But that fact was not making my mood any lighter. So I went outside and stood in the wind. If all this crazy weather was going to disrupt my frame of mind then it would help me knock things back into perspective. The wind was strong today - enough to snap branches and send a great deal of dry leaves flying across the side field. I stood there and let it hit me like a slap in the face. I tried to picture all the nasty and unsettling emotions being carried away with the leaves in the side field.

I don't know if it was some cosmic, fortune teller sort of fairy magic that made me feel better or the fact that I was outside, alone and standing quietly but I felt better. So I thought I could take it one step further. I thought about all the things that have been happening here lately - disappointments, stressful situations, anxious waiting, anger, fear, anticipation - and I just let go.

Just. Let. Go.

I pictured the gusts taking away all the pent up energy that had been gathering inside me for weeks - the kind of energy that makes me clench my jaw and grind my teeth all night while I sleep. The kind that makes me snap at people I care about and worry about things over which I have no control. I pictured all the horrible anxiety working it's way down the lengths of my hair and being shaken and snapped free at the ends by the wind, like water after a shower.

If I can get rid of this anxious state of living, just think of how great things would be. Why is a windy day better than a bottle of xanax?

A fovorite author of mine once wrote something that has stuck with me. I hope that she does not mind if I quote her here in that I mean it as the highest compliment. How simple it really all is...

 "Whatever your destination know that the day is passed, the fight has stopped, and there is nothing more you can do but rest and heal. Set aside the day's anger and fear. Whatever haunts you is not welcome here, and it is too late in the day to do anything else towards that fight. My dearest friend, you can relax."

Just. Let. Go.
It's that simple.
How has this evaded me for so long?

1 comment:

  1. Because it's hard. Really, really, hard.

    I understand your feelings. If you can get a day to yourself, that will really help. Everyone needs a day off every once in a blue moon.