I have spent the better part of this morning and early afternoon trying to wrangle a two and half year old while holding a three week old. It seems that one good left arm to hold the baby and one good right arm to grab the little man would be sufficient but sadly, things do not always go like they are supposed to and the result is a lot of crying from all three of us.
I found myself asking this morning "why did I think this was a good idea?" I had the same thoughts after other major decisions in my life, mostly the result of a massive panic attack. I freaked out after I got married, after I got my first tattoo, after I took on a mortgage that will be with me until I am in my 60's, at least. All was well after an anti-depressant and a hot shower, and I am hoping that today's asking of that question will resolve itself in the same way.
Having a second child was a major decision on my part and I knew it was not going to be easy. But does it have to be THIS hard? I have this beautiful new little girl that I want to spend time with but I also have my beautiful young man that do in now way want to ignore or deprive of attention. But I find myself letting him watch a little more tv than he should since I have have my hands full with bottle warming and tiny diaper changing. My guilt from this is overwhelming. I am afraid that I am sending him on the path to becoming a slack-jawed teenager sitting too close to a big screen all night.
And my temper is short these days. Sleep is a hot commodity here. I think I got 3 hours last night. Snapping at the little man when he doesn't listen (what two and half year old listens?) is not something I want to do but it happens. I put myself in the "bad Mom doghouse" just about every day.
Is there anyone out there who has been through this? Does it get better? Do they hate you forever for not giving them enough attention? Does any know the maximum dose of antidepressants allowed by law?