Usually I love the rain. I look forward to days when I can stand on the covered front porch and watch it come down. The heavier the better, and thunder and lightning is a definite plus. Maybe a little wind...... And losing power is not a big deal around here.
But this morning, despite the commotion pouring down from the sky outside my windows, I am in a foul mood. It has been building for a while, a little at a time. Something goes wrong in the garden, something is wrong with the freezer, a part fell off the lawnmower, I cannot seem to find the time to work on sewing projects.....
Those little things add up, but the big thing that has been on my mind is does this all really matter. Everything that we are doing to live a more sustainable life, to reduce our carbon footprint, to do for ourselves and be good stewards of the planet. Does it really make a difference?
Top it all off with the astronomically high school tax bill we got in the mail recently and you have the makings of a perfect storm.
And we lost another chicken. Spot was found on the floor of the coop. We do not know how she died - there are no signs of trauma and she did not appear to be in distress in previous days.
It all just seems to be a mess lately. We did have a good day last Saturday at the Ionia Fall Festival and Tractor Parade which I will post about later, but today I am a bit sad.
I think that the main thing on my mind is questioning why i am doing all this. Why are we trying so hard to live sustainably? To use less? To leave less of a footprint? To eat local, organic foods?
For the environment? For our health and well being? To make a difference in the state of the planet?
I want to say yes, what we are doing is helping. But then I see so many other people not trying. Not conserving, wasting and just not seeming to care all that much. Why am I having to take on this responsibility and live, not with sacrificing, but with restraint.
Poor decisions made by other people, today and yesterday and 20 years ago should not be my problem alone to grapple with. I do not want to have that on my shoulders. And besides, what can one person, one family, actually do to reverse years and years of bad decisions and actions?
It seems like we are just trying to stop an avalanche with a snow shovel. No amount of digging is going to get us out of the mess we have made with our planet, unless more people start putting an effort in to conserve. I know it is hard - not being able to have everything you want, when you want it. And people don't want to change. They want things to stay the same, and I don't blame them. I do too.
It is hard to figure out how many people are trying. I read a lot of blogs about homesteading and sustainability and I love hearing about what other people are doing, and that they are actually doing something to help. That makes me feel good - like we have a shot at turning things around. But there are just so many people who don't seem to realize or care. How does out little minority equal out the vast majority?
Big Question: (quite selfish, I know) - Why should I have to budget? To save? To spend summers pulling weeds and falls over a hot stove canning? To not have a cool new sport utility? To not have those beautiful, expensive boots? To not bother hauling the recycle bins out to the roadside? Why can't I just go to the store and buy cheap plastic junk that I know will break for the sole reason that I want it and it meets a need for the moment?
I know the answer to all those questions. It is because I care about what kind of place we live in and how we live in it. To be selfish again, I feel great in the garden and I feel great when I can things. Proud? A sense of security? Something I can do to protect against what might come because the majority will not change?
All this is starting to make my head spin a little. Am I making any sense to anyone? Does anyone else feel this way?