Sunday, April 4

Choices = Stress

Today we drove down to take a look at the farm that is up for sale that we are considering. And I do have to say that it is wonderful. 18 acres of fields, a small pond, plenty of out buildings, barns and the old house is amazing.

The old girl definitely needs some TLC however. She has asbestos shingle siding, lead paint flaking off of the window frames, trim and the porches, and all the windows will have to be replaced. The foundation is in ok-shape. We will not know more until we get to see the inside. We just did a drive-by and peak in the windows thing today.

The good part is that i can totally see myself living there. It is quiet, which I LOVE. The layout of the yard is nice with plenty of room for gardens and solar panels. I can just see it now - settling down for the night at the kitchen table with a cup of cocoa, looking through garden catalogs with a nice breeze coming in and the sounds of the "peepers". However, did I mention that there is no kitchen?

Or living room, bedrooms or, most importantly a bathroom.

I cannot get ahead of myself with day dreams. This will be a huge undertaking. Lots of work, our savings will be gone and we will most likely be in more debt. And what if this job that is closer to this new place doesn't last forever? The shorter commute will mean nothing if a new job is closer to the city, closer to where we already are right now.

And where we are now is wonderful too. I love my house - we have been here 5 years. We have gotten new pets since we have been here. We have lost pets since we have been here. We had a baby here. The acres are much smaller and the road is a little busier, but it is still a wonderful homestead. We have plenty of room, and those rooms, I might add, are finished and functional.

This is why I am stressed. I am craving that adventure and challenge. I want to be able to look back in 10 years and be living in a beautiful home that we almost built from the ground up with hard work, and be able to say "We did this." But it is a hard choice. We have so much here that we love and the trade-off would mean construction, debt and annoyance to no end. It would mean balancing working on the house with taking care of the baby and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for all of us while we are living in one section of the house while working on another.

If I was just out of college, this would be my dream. I graduated, got married and we lived in a starter house of about 8 years. This house that we are in now is definitely not a starter house. And I do love it here.

We discussed this all the way home today from Easter celebrations and relative’s homes. We were conflicted all the way home, going over pro's and con's, back and forth. I was getting stressed and aggravated and I did not want to discuss it anymore. We came down our road and saw our house and I realized how much I loved it. I told Roy that I did not want to move. He said "OK."

It actually felt good to be relieved of the stress.

But I noticed he was on the laptop tonight looking up home renovation loans.....