Just a quick note today to let the world know that I finally get it.
I finally get, after over a year of ups and downs, disappointments and redemptions, that the only person you can count on when the chips are down is yourself.
I have tried to be patient, and forgiving and all that when things don't seem to work out the way I want. And I have had to ask for help against my better judgment more times than I care to admit. And it just leads to hurt feelings and resentment.
Part of self sufficiency for me is just that - SELF sufficiency. I have to stop relaying on other people and trusting that things will not come around to bite me in the ass.
But here is where I a torn: do I, as things seem to be coming apart at the seams, break down and admit defeat? It would feel good to just give up and unburden myself and resign myself to what will be. Or do I say the hell with it and take matters into my own hands? Put my ducks in a row, clear the road and get it done. It sounds so good, that second option. I wish I was that strong. But I want help. I want to have someone to relay on and to turn to.
Oh, the dilemmas we face when the chips are down.
But I do know this. I can count on myself. I can take care of the things that need to be taken care of. I will get through.